The firefight was fierce as bullets bounced off of rocks, embedded into bark, kicked up dirt, and disappeared who knew where. Holly, Jimmy, and James were pinned down behind a large fallen log. They had been ambushed and had barely made the safety of the log. The fire was so fierce they could only lift their guns over their heads and shoot randomly to keep the enemy back. "We're pinned down!" Holly shouted into her com unit. "A little help here?" "On our way." came back the answer. "No way we're getting out of here without getting shot." yelled Jimmy. Holly tried to figure out how long before the other team would arrive. She counted ammo and told Jimmy and James to count theirs. "We're low. Only fire enough to keep them back." Jimmy raised his head above the log. "Get down Jimmy!" both Holly and James yelled in unison.
Holly peeked over the log and realized that the enemy was advancing one tree at a time toward them. Then she saw her team, their reinforcements, coming up behind the enemy. She turned to Jimmy and James, "We've got them in a crossfire." Over the comm unit, she heard the orders to take aim and kill the enemy. The last thing anyone wanted was to hit friendlies, so this was where their sharpshooting skills came into play. Almost as one, Holly, Jimmy, and James raised up on one knee, lifting their heads and shoulders above the log, and took aim at the enemy soldiers. The enemy soldiers were falling fast as the reinforcements fired from behind them. Soon it was over and silence settled for a moment like a bird perched on a branch.
As Holly's team stood looking at the carnage, Donald's reinforcement team joined them. "That was awesome!" Donald yelled revved up from the fighting. James, Jimmy, and the other soldiers began yelling and dancing up and down, stomping their feet on the ground.
"Jimmy! James!" a voice echoed throughout the woods. The boys stopped dancing and looked at the others. They blinked as if waking from a dream. "Ahhhhh, we have to go. Mom's got supper ready." As the boys collected their toy guns, the other kids picked up their possessions. The boys and girls who had been 'dead on the ground' got up, each one pronouncing some form of indignation at being torn from their world of play .Each child began to walk to his or her home. Playtime was over for the day. (Writing technique Aha, a character comes to a realization of some sort.)
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
PHONING HOME
As he dialed the phone, Jerry remembered the last conversation he had with his parents. It had been too long. "Hello? How are you son?"
"Fine, Mom, how are you?"
"We're ok, Dad is at work, I know he will be sorry he missed you.
Jerry responded, "I'll call again to talk to him. We have been really busy, Allie is taking three classes and working nearly full time. I am working 40 plus at my job. We just have so much going on. Seems like something is going on with her family all the time."
Jerry winced realizing he had hit a sore spot.
There was silence on the other end, then his mother said, "That's ok, I just wish you would remember to call more often. I, we...miss you so."
Jerry could tell by his mother's voice that it was not 'ok'. He felt guilty and he hated feeling guilty.
His voice hardened as he responded to his mother's question, "Did you get the package I sent?"
"No, Mom, not yet."
"It should be coming any day now. We are thinking of going on a cruise sometime in January or February if we can afford the time and the money. We've never been on a cruise and we'd like to try one. How's the weather? It's cold here now."
"The weather's good here, warm and sunny." Jerry winced again. Another sore point. He lived where the weather was nice all year long and his parents were heading into winter.
"Mom, you know that if I could afford it, I would bring you and Dad here to live. My job is here and Allie's family is here, and..
"Son, don't. I know all this and I want you to be happy. I am not asking you to move here. I wish we could up and move there, but we can't, at least not right now with the economy and all. I would ask, though, if I thought you'd pick up and move" she sighed, "but I accept the way things are. I just wish you would call more often. It is hard to have you live so far away, and I just wish....." Her voice trailed off.
Jerry's irritation turned into understanding. "I love you Mother. I will call more often."
They went on to talk of small things, movies, food eaten, places visited, items bought, news, and job talk.
When Jerry finally rang off, he turned to Allie. "Help me remember to call my Dad tomorrow. Let's set the calendar on our phones to call my parents next week."
She smiled at him and pulled out her phone. (This is an example of the book Making Shapely Fiction's technique called Onion. In the Onion, situations take place inside situations that are within larger situations. The characters are caught in layers of layers.)
"Fine, Mom, how are you?"
"We're ok, Dad is at work, I know he will be sorry he missed you.
Jerry responded, "I'll call again to talk to him. We have been really busy, Allie is taking three classes and working nearly full time. I am working 40 plus at my job. We just have so much going on. Seems like something is going on with her family all the time."
Jerry winced realizing he had hit a sore spot.
There was silence on the other end, then his mother said, "That's ok, I just wish you would remember to call more often. I, we...miss you so."
Jerry could tell by his mother's voice that it was not 'ok'. He felt guilty and he hated feeling guilty.
His voice hardened as he responded to his mother's question, "Did you get the package I sent?"
"No, Mom, not yet."
"It should be coming any day now. We are thinking of going on a cruise sometime in January or February if we can afford the time and the money. We've never been on a cruise and we'd like to try one. How's the weather? It's cold here now."
"The weather's good here, warm and sunny." Jerry winced again. Another sore point. He lived where the weather was nice all year long and his parents were heading into winter.
"Mom, you know that if I could afford it, I would bring you and Dad here to live. My job is here and Allie's family is here, and..
"Son, don't. I know all this and I want you to be happy. I am not asking you to move here. I wish we could up and move there, but we can't, at least not right now with the economy and all. I would ask, though, if I thought you'd pick up and move" she sighed, "but I accept the way things are. I just wish you would call more often. It is hard to have you live so far away, and I just wish....." Her voice trailed off.
Jerry's irritation turned into understanding. "I love you Mother. I will call more often."
They went on to talk of small things, movies, food eaten, places visited, items bought, news, and job talk.
When Jerry finally rang off, he turned to Allie. "Help me remember to call my Dad tomorrow. Let's set the calendar on our phones to call my parents next week."
She smiled at him and pulled out her phone. (This is an example of the book Making Shapely Fiction's technique called Onion. In the Onion, situations take place inside situations that are within larger situations. The characters are caught in layers of layers.)
The Bus Ride
Five more minutes, just five more and the bus would come. She bounced from one foot to the other, trying not to seem too impatient, or to seem too cold. Not that it mattered, no one else was at this stop. Just a few more months and no more bus riding. She stepped toward the curb, putting one foot on the street, careful not to get too far out and be hit by a passing car. As she peered down the street, she saw a woman walking toward the bus shelter. Behind the woman was a tall man. Something seemed odd about the woman and man. She turned back to peering down the street looking for the bus. There it was, small in the distance, but definitely on its way. She stepped back off of the street and turned toward the shelter. Damn! The man and woman had stepped into the shelter.
She walked to the side of the shelter, using it as a windbreak. She couldn't help noticing how close the man stood to the woman and how she was turned away from him. He was leaning down, head next to her ear. Was he speaking? The woman kept inching away from him and the man kept moving right with her. She focused on the woman's face and knew immediately that something was wrong with this picture. She stepped back to the curb. The bus was still a way off. She walked back to the shelter, but this time she stepped into it. The woman looked at her with an almost pleading look. She could hear the man now. He was talking. As she listened to him, she felt revulsion and fear. He was telling that poor woman he would like to cut her up, rape her, hurt her over and over. What should she do? Leave the shelter? Ignore the situation?
As she listened to him, he followed the poor woman around the shelter and she felt anger. How dare he! She stepped forward and insinuated herself between the woman and the man. She turned toward the man. He stopped in surprise and glared at her. He stepped left, so did she. He stepped right, so did she. He reached out and grabbed her arms, picked her up from the ground and moved her to the side. For a moment she was frozen with shock. She quickly stepped back in front of him. She felt a flash of fear as his face turned red and anger filled his eyes. She couldn't see the woman behind her.
The bus screeched to a halt at the curb. The woman bolted for the steps. She turned and bolted right after her. The man did not follow. The driver closed the bus doors and the bus pulled away from the curb. At the top of the steps, the woman fumbled through her purse for change. She had her bus card in her pocket and waited for the woman to pay the driver. The woman fed the change into the meter machine, then turned and looked full at her for a brief moment. The woman smiled at her. They smiled at each other. Then it was her turn to pay. (This story is a Making Shapely Fiction technique called "A Day in the Life". In this technique the shape of fiction is created by the unit of time involved. It could be a day, weekend, an hour.)
She walked to the side of the shelter, using it as a windbreak. She couldn't help noticing how close the man stood to the woman and how she was turned away from him. He was leaning down, head next to her ear. Was he speaking? The woman kept inching away from him and the man kept moving right with her. She focused on the woman's face and knew immediately that something was wrong with this picture. She stepped back to the curb. The bus was still a way off. She walked back to the shelter, but this time she stepped into it. The woman looked at her with an almost pleading look. She could hear the man now. He was talking. As she listened to him, she felt revulsion and fear. He was telling that poor woman he would like to cut her up, rape her, hurt her over and over. What should she do? Leave the shelter? Ignore the situation?
As she listened to him, he followed the poor woman around the shelter and she felt anger. How dare he! She stepped forward and insinuated herself between the woman and the man. She turned toward the man. He stopped in surprise and glared at her. He stepped left, so did she. He stepped right, so did she. He reached out and grabbed her arms, picked her up from the ground and moved her to the side. For a moment she was frozen with shock. She quickly stepped back in front of him. She felt a flash of fear as his face turned red and anger filled his eyes. She couldn't see the woman behind her.
The bus screeched to a halt at the curb. The woman bolted for the steps. She turned and bolted right after her. The man did not follow. The driver closed the bus doors and the bus pulled away from the curb. At the top of the steps, the woman fumbled through her purse for change. She had her bus card in her pocket and waited for the woman to pay the driver. The woman fed the change into the meter machine, then turned and looked full at her for a brief moment. The woman smiled at her. They smiled at each other. Then it was her turn to pay. (This story is a Making Shapely Fiction technique called "A Day in the Life". In this technique the shape of fiction is created by the unit of time involved. It could be a day, weekend, an hour.)
Sunday, September 27, 2009
THE LEAVING (War)
"No time, no time!" "Out! Out!" They were moving even as he yelled, rolling out of the Humvee. Josh hit the ground hard, feet slamming down. He felt the shock move up his legs. He straightened, brought his gun up and found himself staring into eyes filled with hatred glaring back at him. Time suddenly seemed to slow. He heard shouts, gunfire, felt the heat of bullets, the jerk of his gun, the smell of discharged weaponry, blood raining down on the hard, dry, sand covered ground. He heard the chatter in his com, but it didn't register. They were both down, almost at his feet, their blood spilling onto the ground like small rivers in the sand. "It was them or me."
The heat from the burning Humvee was searing his backside. He moved to his left joining Roe as they circled back to back shooting as they moved toward the cover of the bus. Sarge yelled cease fire! No one spoke, everyone rotated looking for hostiles. Josh looked back at the Humvee. "Shit! They weren't going anywhere in that! As they stood looking at the damage, breathing easier now, sweating under all that gear, Josh thought of his promise to his Mom. He had almost brokent that promise today. (This technique is from the book Making Shapely Fiction. The technique is called "Trauma" and is the technique of starting a story with a traumatic event. The opening lines could be the event itself or immediately after. The characters reveal themselves by how they react when they are upset. The story's success lies in the immediacy.)
The heat from the burning Humvee was searing his backside. He moved to his left joining Roe as they circled back to back shooting as they moved toward the cover of the bus. Sarge yelled cease fire! No one spoke, everyone rotated looking for hostiles. Josh looked back at the Humvee. "Shit! They weren't going anywhere in that! As they stood looking at the damage, breathing easier now, sweating under all that gear, Josh thought of his promise to his Mom. He had almost brokent that promise today. (This technique is from the book Making Shapely Fiction. The technique is called "Trauma" and is the technique of starting a story with a traumatic event. The opening lines could be the event itself or immediately after. The characters reveal themselves by how they react when they are upset. The story's success lies in the immediacy.)
Saturday, September 19, 2009
THE LEAVING
“Mom”, Josh called out. Diann rolled over and sat up. She put her feet on the floor and shuffled to Josh’s room. “What’s the matter sweety?” Josh looked up at his mother with slightly fearful eyes. He lifted his little arms up and asked his mother plaintively, “Can I sleep with you and Daddy?” Diann smiled and picked her little boy up. As they began to walk back to Diann and Hanson’s bedroom, Diann asked, “Did the movie scare you, honey?” “Yes,” Josh said as he snuggled into his mother’s arms. Diann thought as she settled herself and Josh into the bed, “He was too young to watch that movie. War scenes were too much for little guys like Josh.”
It was a warm, sunny, afternoon. The sun was shining through the west window, streaming into the kitchen, lighting it up. Josh sat at the breakfast bar eating lunch across from his mother. They ate their lunch for awhile in companionable silence. As Josh ate the last of his salad, his mother Diann, rose from the kitchen stool, crossed to the kitchen counter, and cut a big slice of the chocolate frosted cake she had made that morning. She put the slice on a cake plate, opened the silverware drawer and took out a fork. She then crossed back to where Josh was sitting at the breakfast bar and handed him the plate and fork. Josh lifted his glass up and smiled at her, wiggling the glass back and forth. She smiled back and walked to the refrigerator pulling out a jug of milk, crossing back to Josh and poured the milk into the glass. She walked back to the refrigerator, put the milk jug back, crossed back to the bar and sat down.
Josh appreciatively took his first bite of the cake, then looking at his mother with a smile, said.
“Now that I am out of high school, I have been thinking a lot about what I want to do next.”
Diann (Josh’s mom) smiled and said, “ It’s not like I haven’t been pushing you to consider your future for years now!”
“I know Mom, but I didn’t want to deal with this until I had to. He shrugged his shoulders. "I have to now.”
“I know, I know,” Diann said.
“ I’ve been thinking about going into the military. “
“What branch of the military son?”
“Marines.”
“Why Marines?”
“ They’re the best of the best. I have gone to see the army, navy, and the air force recruiters. The marines are the ones hiring, and I might get a sign on bonus.
“ This is not my first choice for you. What about college? What about the danger? What about being gone from us for so long? What about…..”
“Mom! I get it, ok? You don’t want me to make this choice. Now, the problem is that it’s my life, my choice, and although I love you, I want to make my decisions for myself.”
“I realize that! I am sorry. It’s just that I am afraid of you getting yourself hurt or …..worse!”
Josh said, “ I’ll be alright Mom.” He sighed. “How about this Mom? You come with me to see the recruiter. You can ask all the questions you want. He wants to meet my parents anyway.”
Diann said, “You’ve already been to visit the recruiter. I thought you had just been calling or something …..to get information?”
“I’ve already been there, yes. Well, whadya say?”
“Ok, I will come with you. Do you want to make an appointment? Where is this recruiter? Are you sure you really want to look into this?”
“I am pretty sure that this is the direction I want to go. I will get money for college, training, and it’s an immediate job. I’m looking for something different. I’ve been working since I was 15 and I am bored with the job. I’m looking for a challenge.”
Diann looked into her son’s eyes, understanding showing on her face. “ Be the best you can be? See if you can do it?”
“Something like that.”
“Wow....... alright son. Let’s go check out what the Marines offer.”
“I was hoping you would say that. What are you doing this afternoon? You’re off, right? Got any plans?”
Diann shrugged, “ Noooo…Why?”
“Cause the recruiter can see us this afternoon. What about it?”
“What time?”
Josh took the last bite of his cake and pinned down some the crumbs with his fork. He put them in his mouth, savoring the last flavor of the chocolate cake. ”Now if you want. The recruiter told me he could see us with just a little notice.”
“Talk about set ups? I feel like I’m on a train! Fine, let’s go see your recruiter. What’s his name?”
“And, Mom, one of them's a woman!”
The air was bitter cold even though the sun was shining brightly as they weaved in and out of the heavy morning rush hour traffic. Diann shivered in her coat as she sat in the passenger seat of the car. Every so often she would glance at Hanson as he drove and wait for him to glance back at her. The shared glance generated between them would comfort her for a few moments. This moment rated as one of the hard ones in her life. Josh sat in the back seat. They were on their way to the airport. Josh was leaving today.
It was a warm, sunny, afternoon. The sun was shining through the west window, streaming into the kitchen, lighting it up. Josh sat at the breakfast bar eating lunch across from his mother. They ate their lunch for awhile in companionable silence. As Josh ate the last of his salad, his mother Diann, rose from the kitchen stool, crossed to the kitchen counter, and cut a big slice of the chocolate frosted cake she had made that morning. She put the slice on a cake plate, opened the silverware drawer and took out a fork. She then crossed back to where Josh was sitting at the breakfast bar and handed him the plate and fork. Josh lifted his glass up and smiled at her, wiggling the glass back and forth. She smiled back and walked to the refrigerator pulling out a jug of milk, crossing back to Josh and poured the milk into the glass. She walked back to the refrigerator, put the milk jug back, crossed back to the bar and sat down.
Josh appreciatively took his first bite of the cake, then looking at his mother with a smile, said.
“Now that I am out of high school, I have been thinking a lot about what I want to do next.”
Diann (Josh’s mom) smiled and said, “ It’s not like I haven’t been pushing you to consider your future for years now!”
“I know Mom, but I didn’t want to deal with this until I had to. He shrugged his shoulders. "I have to now.”
“I know, I know,” Diann said.
“ I’ve been thinking about going into the military. “
“What branch of the military son?”
“Marines.”
“Why Marines?”
“ They’re the best of the best. I have gone to see the army, navy, and the air force recruiters. The marines are the ones hiring, and I might get a sign on bonus.
“ This is not my first choice for you. What about college? What about the danger? What about being gone from us for so long? What about…..”
“Mom! I get it, ok? You don’t want me to make this choice. Now, the problem is that it’s my life, my choice, and although I love you, I want to make my decisions for myself.”
“I realize that! I am sorry. It’s just that I am afraid of you getting yourself hurt or …..worse!”
Josh said, “ I’ll be alright Mom.” He sighed. “How about this Mom? You come with me to see the recruiter. You can ask all the questions you want. He wants to meet my parents anyway.”
Diann said, “You’ve already been to visit the recruiter. I thought you had just been calling or something …..to get information?”
“I’ve already been there, yes. Well, whadya say?”
“Ok, I will come with you. Do you want to make an appointment? Where is this recruiter? Are you sure you really want to look into this?”
“I am pretty sure that this is the direction I want to go. I will get money for college, training, and it’s an immediate job. I’m looking for something different. I’ve been working since I was 15 and I am bored with the job. I’m looking for a challenge.”
Diann looked into her son’s eyes, understanding showing on her face. “ Be the best you can be? See if you can do it?”
“Something like that.”
“Wow....... alright son. Let’s go check out what the Marines offer.”
“I was hoping you would say that. What are you doing this afternoon? You’re off, right? Got any plans?”
Diann shrugged, “ Noooo…Why?”
“Cause the recruiter can see us this afternoon. What about it?”
“What time?”
Josh took the last bite of his cake and pinned down some the crumbs with his fork. He put them in his mouth, savoring the last flavor of the chocolate cake. ”Now if you want. The recruiter told me he could see us with just a little notice.”
“Talk about set ups? I feel like I’m on a train! Fine, let’s go see your recruiter. What’s his name?”
“And, Mom, one of them's a woman!”
The air was bitter cold even though the sun was shining brightly as they weaved in and out of the heavy morning rush hour traffic. Diann shivered in her coat as she sat in the passenger seat of the car. Every so often she would glance at Hanson as he drove and wait for him to glance back at her. The shared glance generated between them would comfort her for a few moments. This moment rated as one of the hard ones in her life. Josh sat in the back seat. They were on their way to the airport. Josh was leaving today.
A Writing Technique called 'Last Lap'
This technique places the character right at the climax. It is yet another way to create fiction that the reader will enjoy. A character in the story is already in action which creates immediate tension. This will allow you to slow time. You have action that involves surprises, flashbacks, ironies, or anecdotes. Whatever you choose to build into this active, tense situation, you can capture the reader immediately.
Last Lap is one of the many techniques of writing at our disposal to create memorable fiction.
Last Lap is one of the many techniques of writing at our disposal to create memorable fiction.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
THE CONFESSION
Caitland tapped her fingers lightly on the flat table, beating out the rhythm to one of her favorite songs. She hummed softly as she rapped out the song over and over. Her mind was buzzing furiously as she tried to think of a story that would be credible and get her and Ashley off at the same time. The minutes flew by as she rapped out the song again.
“Would you pleeeease?” Ashley asked sharply as she fidgeted yet again in her chair. “These chairs are some version of ancient torture props.” She said, looking to Caitland for confirmation. “It’s bad enough to have to sit on these things without having to listen to you beat out the same tune over and over and over and over!
Caitland stopped tapping her fingers and the two girls glared at each other for a long stretch of minutes. Caitland turned in her chair positioning her body to face away from Ashley and returned to tapping her fingers. “Bitch”! Ashley yelled. Caitland didn’t even really hear Ashley as she concentrated on how she was going to get out of this mess. It was bad enough that she was going to have to face her parents, but the idea of ending up in jail scared her so bad she felt like vomiting! What if they just denied having anything to do with Shannon? Could the police prove it was her and Ashley? Yes, she thought, they would talk to the other girls and find out that she and Ashley had been bragging about dumping Shannon and making her walk back to town. If Shannon lived, she would tell the police herself.
That’s the last time I do anything with Ashley, she thought angrily. As though it was all Ashley’s fault! The door opened and in walked a tall woman and an even taller man. They wore badges on chains around their necks. Both looked like they were as old as Caitland and Ashley’s parents. The door closed, and the two officers pulled out the other two chairs from the table and sat down on them.
The woman spoke, “Who wants to go first?” Ashley spoke quickly, her words tumbling over one another in her need to get them out. “We didn’t mean any harm, we thought it would be a good joke, that’s all! It was Caitland’s idea anyway so it’s really not my fault!” “That’s a lie!” Caitland shouted, face red with anger. “You skank bitch!” she shouted at Ashley.
“Shut up! I don’t care who thought it up. What matters is that it nearly killed and innocent girl and someone’s got to pay for that! What I want to know is why? By the way, I’m Detective Lisa Johnson and this is Seargent Talsoe. Your parents have given us permission to talk to you about the incident with Shannon Harding. So tell us, why? Why did you girls want to do this to Shannon Harding?” Detective Johnson pulled back in her chair until the two front legs were off the ground. She stared hard at first one and then the other as she waited to hear their answer.
“We thought she would be able to call and get someone to drive out to get her! We didn’t think that she would get so cold so quickly! We didn’t mean her any harm. We just wanted to play a joke on her that she wouldn’t forget. I thought if we just taught her a lesson, she would leave us alone, stop making fun of us and bullying us all the time! She could have called anytime you know!” Ashley’s voice quivered and ground to a halt.
“Really! Is that why you took her phone with you when you left her out there in the middle of nowhere in 0 degree weather with a snow storm coming in, and no coat?” Detective Johnson asked. “I thought she had the cell phone on her. I didn’t realize that Caitland took her phone!” Ashley whined.
“That’s not true!” Caitland spit out! “They didn’t find the phone on me! They found it on you, bitch!” “So who threw the coat out of the car?” asked Seargent Talsoe, speaking for the first time since entering the room. “No one threw the coat out of the car. The window was down and we were going kind of fast. The coat was hanging partly out of the window because Caitland threw the coat into the back seat and it didn’t go all the way in. It just kind of flew out of the car when the wind pulled at it. We didn’t realize it was gone until later.” Ashley said.
“I am not the one who took the coat from her. I’m not the one who took the phone either! You know you wanted her to die out there! I just wanted to teach her a lesson she wouldn’t forget!” shouted Caitland. “Enough!” ground out Detective Johnson. Johnson reached into her pocket and pulled out a ring. “Whose ring is this?” She gently tossed the ring on the table and it bounced before coming to a halt in the middle of the table. Ashley gasped, “Mine! I didn’t realize I had lost it!” She said looking up at the two police officers. “Where did you find it?” she asked suspicion growing in her countenance.
Seargant Talsoe leaned forward, putting his elbows on the table and folding his hands together. Softly he said, “You know, girls, I believe you when you say that you started out just wanting to teach Shannon a lesson. I believe you Caitland when you say that you did not realize that Shannon did not have her phone on her. Shannon tells us that you were in the car and did not see Ashley take the phone from her. However, you both were a part of taking the coat. Ashley, we found the ring in the pocket of Shannon’s coat which we found in the ditch on Highway 3. Shannon and her parents have identified that coat as hers. The ring must have slipped off your finger when you were what…checking through the pockets before throwing it out of the car?”
“Is that how it was?” asked Dectective Johnson as she set her chair legs back on the floor. “Well?”
Caitland knew that she was not going to be able to spin her way out of this story. Perhaps she had known all along this was going to turn out badly. “Yes, we knew when we took her coat, both of us, that she could die. I got into the car and did not realize Ashley had taken the coat until she threw it into the back seat. I did not know about the phone and thought she would call her friends or someone and they would come and get her. I thought she would be miserable, but I did not really think she could die. Not until Ashley took her coat and threw it into the car. I knew then she could die and I did not do anything about it.” She said softly.
“I want a lawyer.” Ashley said. Ashley’s face had turned to stone. She seemed to fold in on herself and refused to look at either of the two officers directly. Detective Johnson turned to Talsoe and said, “She’s lawyered up. There’s no way we can help her now.” She turned to Caitland, “Caitland, if you will give us a full statement, it is likely that the judge will consider your cooperation when sentencing your case.”
Caitland felt for the first time, shame at what she and Ashley had done. She knew that she was going to pay for a long time for this. She had not thought about her parents and what they would think. She had not considered getting caught or even the reality of letting someone die, no matter how much she hated her! The whole time they had been sitting in that little room, she had been trying to think of how she could get out of this without paying for it! Now, she just wanted to get the whole thing over with. “I’ll give you a full statement. I am guilty of all but the phone.” She said quietly. Now she had to face her parents. And what about school, and her friends? (This writing technique utilizes telling an anecdote in the voice and character who is not the author. As the character tells his/her story he/she unknowingly undercuts or discredits his explanation.)
“Would you pleeeease?” Ashley asked sharply as she fidgeted yet again in her chair. “These chairs are some version of ancient torture props.” She said, looking to Caitland for confirmation. “It’s bad enough to have to sit on these things without having to listen to you beat out the same tune over and over and over and over!
Caitland stopped tapping her fingers and the two girls glared at each other for a long stretch of minutes. Caitland turned in her chair positioning her body to face away from Ashley and returned to tapping her fingers. “Bitch”! Ashley yelled. Caitland didn’t even really hear Ashley as she concentrated on how she was going to get out of this mess. It was bad enough that she was going to have to face her parents, but the idea of ending up in jail scared her so bad she felt like vomiting! What if they just denied having anything to do with Shannon? Could the police prove it was her and Ashley? Yes, she thought, they would talk to the other girls and find out that she and Ashley had been bragging about dumping Shannon and making her walk back to town. If Shannon lived, she would tell the police herself.
That’s the last time I do anything with Ashley, she thought angrily. As though it was all Ashley’s fault! The door opened and in walked a tall woman and an even taller man. They wore badges on chains around their necks. Both looked like they were as old as Caitland and Ashley’s parents. The door closed, and the two officers pulled out the other two chairs from the table and sat down on them.
The woman spoke, “Who wants to go first?” Ashley spoke quickly, her words tumbling over one another in her need to get them out. “We didn’t mean any harm, we thought it would be a good joke, that’s all! It was Caitland’s idea anyway so it’s really not my fault!” “That’s a lie!” Caitland shouted, face red with anger. “You skank bitch!” she shouted at Ashley.
“Shut up! I don’t care who thought it up. What matters is that it nearly killed and innocent girl and someone’s got to pay for that! What I want to know is why? By the way, I’m Detective Lisa Johnson and this is Seargent Talsoe. Your parents have given us permission to talk to you about the incident with Shannon Harding. So tell us, why? Why did you girls want to do this to Shannon Harding?” Detective Johnson pulled back in her chair until the two front legs were off the ground. She stared hard at first one and then the other as she waited to hear their answer.
“We thought she would be able to call and get someone to drive out to get her! We didn’t think that she would get so cold so quickly! We didn’t mean her any harm. We just wanted to play a joke on her that she wouldn’t forget. I thought if we just taught her a lesson, she would leave us alone, stop making fun of us and bullying us all the time! She could have called anytime you know!” Ashley’s voice quivered and ground to a halt.
“Really! Is that why you took her phone with you when you left her out there in the middle of nowhere in 0 degree weather with a snow storm coming in, and no coat?” Detective Johnson asked. “I thought she had the cell phone on her. I didn’t realize that Caitland took her phone!” Ashley whined.
“That’s not true!” Caitland spit out! “They didn’t find the phone on me! They found it on you, bitch!” “So who threw the coat out of the car?” asked Seargent Talsoe, speaking for the first time since entering the room. “No one threw the coat out of the car. The window was down and we were going kind of fast. The coat was hanging partly out of the window because Caitland threw the coat into the back seat and it didn’t go all the way in. It just kind of flew out of the car when the wind pulled at it. We didn’t realize it was gone until later.” Ashley said.
“I am not the one who took the coat from her. I’m not the one who took the phone either! You know you wanted her to die out there! I just wanted to teach her a lesson she wouldn’t forget!” shouted Caitland. “Enough!” ground out Detective Johnson. Johnson reached into her pocket and pulled out a ring. “Whose ring is this?” She gently tossed the ring on the table and it bounced before coming to a halt in the middle of the table. Ashley gasped, “Mine! I didn’t realize I had lost it!” She said looking up at the two police officers. “Where did you find it?” she asked suspicion growing in her countenance.
Seargant Talsoe leaned forward, putting his elbows on the table and folding his hands together. Softly he said, “You know, girls, I believe you when you say that you started out just wanting to teach Shannon a lesson. I believe you Caitland when you say that you did not realize that Shannon did not have her phone on her. Shannon tells us that you were in the car and did not see Ashley take the phone from her. However, you both were a part of taking the coat. Ashley, we found the ring in the pocket of Shannon’s coat which we found in the ditch on Highway 3. Shannon and her parents have identified that coat as hers. The ring must have slipped off your finger when you were what…checking through the pockets before throwing it out of the car?”
“Is that how it was?” asked Dectective Johnson as she set her chair legs back on the floor. “Well?”
Caitland knew that she was not going to be able to spin her way out of this story. Perhaps she had known all along this was going to turn out badly. “Yes, we knew when we took her coat, both of us, that she could die. I got into the car and did not realize Ashley had taken the coat until she threw it into the back seat. I did not know about the phone and thought she would call her friends or someone and they would come and get her. I thought she would be miserable, but I did not really think she could die. Not until Ashley took her coat and threw it into the car. I knew then she could die and I did not do anything about it.” She said softly.
“I want a lawyer.” Ashley said. Ashley’s face had turned to stone. She seemed to fold in on herself and refused to look at either of the two officers directly. Detective Johnson turned to Talsoe and said, “She’s lawyered up. There’s no way we can help her now.” She turned to Caitland, “Caitland, if you will give us a full statement, it is likely that the judge will consider your cooperation when sentencing your case.”
Caitland felt for the first time, shame at what she and Ashley had done. She knew that she was going to pay for a long time for this. She had not thought about her parents and what they would think. She had not considered getting caught or even the reality of letting someone die, no matter how much she hated her! The whole time they had been sitting in that little room, she had been trying to think of how she could get out of this without paying for it! Now, she just wanted to get the whole thing over with. “I’ll give you a full statement. I am guilty of all but the phone.” She said quietly. Now she had to face her parents. And what about school, and her friends? (This writing technique utilizes telling an anecdote in the voice and character who is not the author. As the character tells his/her story he/she unknowingly undercuts or discredits his explanation.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
