Serenity Scene Rewrite

For my fiction writing class, I have rewritten one of the scenes in the movie Serenity.  I have chosen this scene to meet the criteria set for me by my teacher.  We were to choose a scene that would fit the one of the chapters of Mythic Storytelling.  Mythic Storytelling Structure:


• Ordinary World

• Call to Adventure

• Refusal of the Call

• Meeting the Mentor (Wise Old Man or Woman)

• Crossing the First Threshold

• Test, Allies, Enemies

• Approach to the Inmost Cave

• Supreme Ordeal

• Reward (Seizing the Sword)

• The Road Back

• Resurrection

• Return with the Elixir

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The movie Serenity, followed a short lived series called Firefly. The setting is some 500 years in the future. The Alliance is the ruling government in the known universe. The crew of the starship Serenity are what is known as “independents”. They are freight haulers and smugglers. This scene is Refusal of the Call.


The scene begins in the cockpit of the spaceship Serenity. The quarters are tight and the lighting is dim. The ship is experiencing mechanical failure and the Captain and his crew have decided to rob the vault of a planetary company. All on board are agreed except Doc. Doc’s sister, River, is a “reader”. She can read minds. She has gained this ability as a result of being experimented on by the Alliance, the universal government. Her brother, Doc, rescued from the “Academy” where River was being experimented on. He, along with River, and all of the Serenity crew are fugitives from the Alliance.

Captain has entered the cockpit where the pilot sits to steer or pilot the ship. At this time, the pilot is seated, facing the windshield at the front of the huge starship. He is maneuvering the steering wheel and joystick like controls while punching buttons on the lighted panel to his left trying to keep the ship from rattling itself apart due to mechanical failure. Captain has just turned to leave the cockpit after speaking with the pilot when Doc, the ships doctor comes into the cockpit, stands behind Captain, and when he turns to leave, confronts him.

As the two men, Doc and Captain, face each other in the cockpit of the ship, Captain speaks first.

“Well, Doc, guess I need to get a shot from you before we go through planetary atomosphere. Ride is a bit rough, but nothing to be worried about. No need to be ashamed of being afraid.”

“I’m not worried Captain, I’m angry.”

“My eyes would be wider, like this.”

“I’ll try to remember that for next time.”

“She’s not going.”

Captain turns and walks down the corridor toward the ships infirmary with Doc following. “No, no, I’m not having this conversation with you Doc.”

Both enter the ships infirmary where the Doctor preps an inoculation against the planets diseases. Conversation continues as Captain seats himself on the exam table and Doc gives Captain a shot.

“Captain, my sister is not going with you and that is final.”

Captain jumps off of the table, walks out of the infirmary heading toward the cargo bay. Doc walks behind him as the conversation continues.

“I hear those words again and it will be final for you. This boat is home to me. You are my guests and River will help us out this time.”

“I am not just a guest, I’ve earned my way on this boat treating the bullet, laser, and knife wounds.”

“Well, some of our jobs are interesting to say the least. It’s time your sister followed your example and earned her way too.”

“Do you realize how hard I have worked to rescue River from the Alliance and keep her from them?”

“Yes, and we have been neighborly and kept your secret.”

“I don’t want River in the middle of the violence.”

“River will help out on this job. It’s just one job and she’ll be fine”

“She’s a 17 year old who has been mistreated.”

The cargo bay is huge.  It has metal grid floors, gray walls, and a huge bay door and ramp that is the whole back wall.  The door opens and the ramp lowers to allow loading and off loading of cargo.  Overhead is simulated sunlight shining down to fill the whole cargo bay with light.  Along the walls are cargo containers in various groups and sizes.  Captain walked over to some cargo containers and began shifting them into one stack along the far wall. As he did, he explained to Doc.

“She is a reader Doc. She can be very helpful. She is coming. I have to stay ahead of the Alliance because I have kept you and your sister on board. I enjoyed that you put one over on the alliance, but that means I have had to turn down jobs, even honest ones. Every year it gets harder to stay one jump ahead of the Alliance and we need this job. Without it we may not be able to go on as we are. River comes. Don’t test me Doc and I won’t fail you.

Captain turned and walked away from the containers and Doc toward the engine room. Doc turned and headed up the stairs of the cargo bay to where River was lying on the grating face down. “River, “

“I know,” she said, “We’re going on a job.”

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Mythic Structure: The Basic Elements

The Hero's Journey in a nutshell

A hero must start off in an 'ordinary' world, where the stage is set and character relationships are established. Before long the hero will be separated from this world, when he receives a Call to Adventure. But although he may be eager to accept the quest, at this stage he'll have lingering doubts or fears that need overcoming. So his first, quick response will be a Refusal of the Call.

Our hero's doubts and fears will be dispelled when he meets a mentor figure, who will give him something he needs, maybe an item and/or advice, so he can progress on his quest.

Armed with the mentor's help, the hero will begin his descent into the world of the unknown by Crossing the Threshold. He may go willingly, or he may be pushed. The symbol of 'falling' is often important here, seen for instance in the Tarot card of The Fool, who is depicted as about to step unknowingly into the abyss. This often happens symbolically rather than physically - how many stories see the hero 'falling' in love?

Once he's immersed in the special world of the story, the hero will meet both allies and enemies and will have to undergo a series of tests, culminating in an Ordeal and a consequent (usually metaphorical) death and rebirth.

Emerging from this the hero must now begin the Road Back, completing the mythic cycle. After confronting death during the ordeal he will have got some kind of a reward, which will equip him with the will to finish. He must now face a final showdown and at the moment of climax he will experience a Resurrection, bringing with it an element of sacrifice and ultimately a resolution to the story. At the end he will have returned to the ordinary world with an elixir, which he can share with all the people who have benefited from his heroic escapade. He will have been transformed by the journey, and his new understanding will radiate out, affecting everyone.

There are different ways in which the cycle is completed, and this will reflect the style of storytelling. Often European stories will end without neat ends, following Aristotle's theory and signifying that an important change has occurred. In contrast Hollywood is more eager to produce scripts with reassuring (happy!) endings, which tend to confirm the status quo.